Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
