So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
