I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
