No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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