Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
