I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
