Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
