Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
