I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
