im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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