She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
