Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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