he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
