I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Randomize
