had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
