big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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