i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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