please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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