She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
