I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
