fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
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