no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
