Pants 0. Shit 1.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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