ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Randomize
