I love black thongs
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
