vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
