I can text with my tongue
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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