Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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