after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
