what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
