is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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