Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
