You're a womanizer and a bitch.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
