I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
