Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
