Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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