I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
i've created a new STD.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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