We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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