Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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