Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
