Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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