he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
