This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
