it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
