Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
