So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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