Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
