Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
