Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize