My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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