DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
