Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize