ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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