I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
