absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
