After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
