If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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