I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
