Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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