is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
