My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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