I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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