We're like a lot better than the average bears
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
