just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
