girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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