piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
