Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
