Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
high people should be assigned attendants
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
