Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
