I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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