I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
