finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
