This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
