Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
