your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
